New release sample: SHRUNK: THE EXILE OF MAURICE

 

Holly sat on bench and Robin Hood knelt at her feet, trying to get hold of her hand. Not Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner or Cary Elwes, but suspiciously like the guy from the BBC version where Paul Darrow from Blake's 7 played the Sheriff. That just proved her very good taste. When Maurice walked through the sparkling hole in the hedge, she stopped resisting. Robin Hood got hold of her hand and raised it to his lips.

"Oh, please. This is getting really old." Mischief sparkled in her eyes as she watched Maurice approach.

He got a funny, hollow sensation in the pit of his stomach. How long had it been since someone was glad to see him?

"But, my darling..." Robin Hood whined.

"Aren't you forgetting somebody?" Maurice had to ask. For the fun of it, he swept off his cap again and bowed to Holly.

"Who are you?" Robin Hood barely glanced over his shoulder. "Begone. My lady and I wish to be alone."

"I'm not your lady." Holly yanked her hand free and stood up.

Robin Hood followed her as she circled the bench.

"The lady wants you to scram, so scram." Maurice stepped between them.

"I know not who you are," Robin Hood rested a hand on the hilt of his sword, "but you would be wise--"

"Yeah, that's me. The wise guy. That's how I got in this mess in the first place." He grabbed Robin by his shoulders and gave him a heave-ho though the closest hedge wall.

Holly laughed and applauded. "You have no idea what a nuisance he can be. If I don't get rid of him fast enough, Maid Marion shows up, and she fights dirty."

"But--" For a moment, he felt dizzy with the contradictions and questions colliding in his brain. "If you know this is a dream... You know you're in charge here, don't you?"

"I know, but if I use the power too much, all the magic goes away. It's more fun to follow the rules, you know? Figure things out the hard way. And I need all the magic I can get my hands on."

"Yeah, you and me both, kid." He bowed and offered her his bent arm again. "Shall we?" 

"Thank you, kind sir."

Off the Bookshelf: NEIL GAIMAN AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE, by Arvind Ethan David

 

Audiobooks, Audible Original

Performed by Neil Gaiman and Jewel Staite

Okay, this is a fun one. Because Neil Gaiman plays himself ... sort of ... in an audio drama written by someone else.

When an astronaut wakes up in the middle of an emergency, all the ship's functions are going crazy and all data has been erased and he has absolutely no memory, the computer voice tells him he is Neil Gaiman, and he's all alone. He has absolutely nothing to do except wait.

So he starts reading ... you guessed it: stories written by Neil Gaiman. And as he starts exploring through the stories, he starts thinking and living again.

Interesting little piece that ends far too soon, and provokes a lot of thought. I can't tell you any more because that would ruin the fun twists. It's only 30 minutes. Good for a walk around the block, or a trip to the post office and back. Worth the time. And you have to wonder just how much fun our hero had playing an amnesiac reading his stories and criticizing them and then changing his mind.

Coming release sample: RETURN OF THE LIVING PROOF

 

Pete came home while I was settling the expectant parents in Harry's old room. He was pretty excited to see Cerb, then tripped over his tongue and nearly tripped over his own feet a few times when he saw Loralee and realized what was going on. He didn't say it, but he gave Cerb the "you dog" look. It was kind of funny.

Once we had things set up to Loralee's liking, she and Cerb and Maurice headed out again. They were on patrol, after all, making sure that inimical forces on Earth didn't hear the lying siren song of Big Ugly like the Rivals had, and come into our town to try to help him break through to invade Earth.

Pete's timing was good, because there was furniture to move around and put into storage. Not much, since Harry had moved almost everything he owned into Felicity's place, after she and Jake finished renovating their house and moved out. Sometimes I did miss that ridiculous espresso machine. The furniture in Harry's old room was simple, meant for guests. Pete moved the desk out, and we turned the dresser drawers upside down so they became stairs, so Loralee could climb up onto the bed. I had a few squeamish moments, imagining her giving birth and soaking the mattress. Well, it was a spare bed. I would worry about replacing a mattress when I needed to replace it, and not before.

Pete and I put some time in searching through my freezer and refrigerator, trying to figure out what to serve our guests for dinner. According to Maurice, Cerb and Loralee both liked ordinary Human food, and she had developed a taste for spicy cuisine in the last month. Great, a dog with a hankering for Szechuan or Mexican. It could have been worse. How would I explain a dog chowing down on pickles? Or chocolate? It was supposed to be poison in large quantities for dogs. 

While we worked on dinner, Pete dropped his bomb: he had lined up a second summer job. I bit my lip to keep from asking how he thought he was going to spend any time with Meggie, when he was working a second job. I had the feeling the second job was so he could take Meggie out on really nice dates. *sigh* My little brother was growing up and facing adult conundrums.

New release sample: SHRUNK: THE EXILE OF MAURICE

 

They slowed to a walk when the trail brought them out onto the riverbank again. Maurice reached up and discovered he had a hat with a long feather in it. He tipped it grandly to her, then offered her his arm. Holly curtsied again and linked her arm through his, and they settled into a leisurely stroll along the water's edge.

"So, does this kind of thing happen a lot around here?" He would visit her dreams every night, if this was her pattern.

"It depends." She shrugged and reached up in the air. A butterfly appeared from thin air and landed on her finger, slowly fluttering its jewel-toned wings.

"On what?"

"How rotten the real world is and how much I need to bash somebody before I turn into an ax murderer in real life." She blew a kiss to the butterfly and it fluttered off her finger and away into the sunshine and shadows.

"Wait a minute! You know you're dreaming?"

"Is this a dream?" She tugged her arm free and darted away, laughing. She immediately vanished into a hedge maze that sprang up from the ground faster than a lightning flash.

Maurice grinned and dashed into the maze after her. "Hey, Holly, where are you?"

"Over here!" Her voice came through the greenery from straight ahead.

"Oh, yeah, that's a big help," he muttered.

He stumbled around five corners with no results before he got fed up. He raised his hands experimentally, because this wasn't his dream. Magic swirled thick and hot, buzzing around his fingertips. He snapped his fingers at the hedge wall in front of him. It vanished in a blue flash of light.

"That's more like it. I don't care if it's only a dream. It feels good to be up to full power again." He blasted the next hedge wall, then a third. He stumbled out into a rose arbor.

Off the Bookshelf: ODD THOMAS:: YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, by Dean Koontz

 

Audiobook, Audible

Narrated by David Aaron Baker

This short audiobook acts as a nice introduction to the character of Odd Thomas, a fry cook who can see the spirits of the restless dead.

The story starts with teenage Thomas and his sweetheart, Stormy Llewellyn, who just want to go to the carnival and have some fun. The restless spirit of Elvis hitches a ride in the back seat, but that's all right because Stormy is in the front seat and she can't see him anyway. It's a good thing Elvis is there, even though he can't talk to Thomas -- they have to communicate with signs -- because he's there to help the ghost of a recently murdered man who flags them down on the way to the carnival. Investigating what happened, and trying to satisfy the new ghost's hunger for justice gets in the way of the date. For a short time, anyway.

I've heard about Odd Thomas for years, and I keep meaning to pick up one of the books. I'm glad I picked up this one. More will follow. Someday ... when I excavate my way through my to-be-read piles, and piles, and piles ....

Coming release sample: RETURN OF THE LIVING PROOF

 

"Umm, Maurice … what will the babies look like when they're born? Do they take after the physical bodies of their parents, or are they …" I couldn't finish the question. I looked into Loralee's big amethyst eyes and I couldn't find the words.

Yeah, ever heard of a normal, ordinary dog with amethyst eyes? Proof she was otherworldly.

What I wanted to know, but didn't dare ask at that time, was why some extra-dimensional visitors had to take on terrestrial forms, and their limitations, such as Cerb and Loralee, while others, like Maurice, went around in their own bodies? Although, granted, in the case of Maurice, with some modifications.

Instead, I thought for a few seconds, then said, "Harry moved into Felicity's place. Would his old room be good enough? Not much furniture to move around. Put the mattress on the floor, or would they want to sleep on the bed at normal height?"

Maybe I gave in too fast. On the other hand, this was a pregnant woman, even if she didn't look like one. I owed Cerb for protecting my neck a few times last year.

"Are there any special arrangements they need?" I hated talking to Maurice when Cerb and Loralee were right there. I had gone through situations just like this after I landed in my wheelchair. Too many people had a tendency to want to talk over or around someone in a wheelchair or showing other handicaps. They seemed to prefer to deal with the able-bodied person with the gimp, instead of talking directly to the gimp. Kind of rude. I didn't want to do that to them. Since they couldn't talk to me, I had to ask Maurice, who was clearly there as go-between.

"Just a place to get out of the darkness. There's a kind of a clash of magics and resonances, so it's a little uncomfortable to stay at Divine's for too long once the sun goes down. Don't ask. I don't understand."

Cerb snorted and Loralee gave a little whine. 

"Yeah, neither do they. Probably some side effect of staying so long in these bodies. Anyway, during the day, they'll be on patrol, although Loralee will probably spend a lot of the next couple weeks getting off her feet, down in the park, or at Divine's." Maurice shrugged. "They've never been through this, I sure as heck haven't been through this before, so … we're all guessing."

New release sample: SHRUNK: THE EXILE OF MAURICE

 

"What happened?" He tried to look behind them without tripping over his feet. How did Robin Hood run in pointy-toed boots, anyway?

"The Sheriff is after us."

"What Sheriff?"

"Of Nottingham!" She laughed, even as she looked behind them and let out a shriek that was half excitement.

A troop of men came tearing around a bend in the forest trail, gaining on them with every thud of the hooves of their over-dressed horses.

Maurice decided this was fun. He let Holly lead the way, down a winding forest trail with the Sheriff's men close on their heels. They came out onto a riverbank. Ropes conveniently appeared from the trees overhead. Holly leaped, grabbed a rope, and swung across with a style that earned a whistle of appreciation from Maurice. He hesitated just long enough for her to reach the apex of the swing and let go. Then he leaped, snatching at the next rope, and followed.

They landed on the opposite bank without stumbling and ran. He looked back in time to see the horses come to an abrupt stop, physically impossible in the real world, and send the Sheriff's men tumbling over their heads, into the river.

"You're one nasty kid. I think I like you," he said, as they ran around a bend in the forest trail.

"Thank you so much, kind sir." Holly slowed enough to curtsey without tripping over her feet. Her clothing transformed into Maid Marion's outfit from the beginning of the movie.

Off the Bookshelf: NIGHT SHIFT DRAGONS, by Rachel Aaron

 

Audiobooks, Audible Original

Detroit Free Zone series

Narrated by Emily Woo Zeller

Opal Yong-ae, adopted daughter of the Great Dragon of Korea, is back in her third adventure. And just like the 3rd Indiana Jones movie, she's brought her dad.

More like she and her dragon father are stuck with each other. Everybody is out to kill him, to take over his territory, and just as Opal and her father are starting to make some progress on re-igniting his fire (vital for a dragon to regain his magic and strength), a new enemy rears his ugly, bloody head. An arena god has set his sights on taking over the DFZ, and Opal as a part-time priestess of the city of Detroit has to step up to the plate and do something. Before Nik, the cleaner she loves, becomes another bloody sacrifice.

Everything is on the line this time. Opal and Dad barely escaped with their lives in the last battle and book, and now every step forward seems to result in two steps back, with more dire consequences every time they apparently mis-calculate. But one thing you need to remember: don't mess with dragons. Especially dragons who will risk everything to protect the ones they love. Even when admitting to love is considered a weakness.

Lots of family dynamics and wry humor, frustration, sarcasm, maybe even some theology all woven together into a fascinating tale, in a framework of incredible worldbuilding. Bravo. (More, please?)

Coming release sample: RETURN OF THE LIVING PROOF

 

Just a few days after that, Maurice rode over to my house to visit, on Cerb. I hadn't seen my guardian hound-angel for a while, and one look at the smaller, cuter hound sitting next to him told me why.

"Cerb, you dog." I couldn't help it.

The hound was a girl, and since she was visibly pregnant, chances were good she was the sweetheart for whom Cerb had taken voluntary exile and guardian service on Earth.

He snorted and his mouth fell open, tongue lolling out extra long, with lots of drool. His gross way of laughing at me. Maybe getting back at me for the teasing.

"Hey, Lanie," Maurice said, and leaped off Cerb's back to hover in front of me. I knew he was uncomfortable with all the sparkle and glitter of his wings, which were part of his punishment when he was exiled to Earth, but watching them go at nearly sonic speed to keep him hovering was … mesmerizing. "We need your help."

"Felicity is as close as you're going to get to an OB-GYN for … well, anthropomorphic interdimensional travelers."

"No, not that." He swallowed and looked a little green for a few seconds. The color hovered longest in the tips of his tiny pointed ears. The guy was only five inches tall, but that was a vibrant shade that just stayed visible. "At least, not yet. Loralee isn't due to pop for another month."

Cerb made a sound somewhere between a cough, a choke, and a grunt.

"At least, we hope. We need a safe place for her to hole up until the demon spawn are born."

So help me, I wished I had a fly swatter. I knew Maurice liked Cerb, so he wouldn't say something like that unless he was either in a viciously snarky mood, or he was joking. Still, I wanted to hit him hard enough to send him all the way to home plate at Progressive Field. Considering how far away we were from Downtown Cleveland and East 9^th street, that would take a lot of muscle power, aided by my telekinetic talent. I was sure I could manage it. How dare he say something like that about babies who hadn't been born yet? 

Unless he wasn't joking?

New release sample: SHRUNK: THE EXILE OF MAURICE

 

He broke the tip off the chocolate kiss and crammed it into his mouth as Holly struggled through one more page. He had been considering Angela's vague directions, so he thought he knew what to do when Holly turned onto her side, clutching the open book, and her eyes slid closed.

He got up and pressed his hands to the image of Holly in the Wishing Ball. A slight buzzing grew in his palms. A sensation of falling forward, into the Wishing Ball, enfolded him. He sank through a thick, gelatinous substance that tingled against his skin, through his clothes -- like diving headfirst into a vat of diet cherry cola. He closed his eyes as lights burst all around him.

He stumbled. He opened his eyes and stood on a forest path, dressed like someone in the Errol Flynn version of Robin Hood. He chuckled and looked around, turning slowly. The forest looked like the stylized period of Hollywood.

Holly raced down the path toward him. She was dressed as one of the Merry Men, still plump, but agile and full of life, with that delightful glow surrounding her. She grabbed his hand as she raced past. "Run for your life!"

Maurice let her drag him along. After all, it was her dream. She would know if they really needed to run, wouldn't she?

Off the Bookshelf: PART-TIME GODS, by Rachel Aaron

 

Audible Original, Audiobook

Emily Woo Zeller, narrator

And we're back to the DFZ, the Detroit Free Zone, where dragons are welcome to live and the anthropomorphic spirit of the city is its deity -- and our heroine, Opal, encounters that spirit as she continues her struggle for freedom from her adopted father, the Dragon of Korea.

When we last left Opal and her partner-in-cleaning, Nick, she learned she had been cursed with bad luck, to keep her from earning enough money to pay her debt to her father -- and when she defaults, he can drag her back to Korea, where she will be part of his collection once more.

Or so she thinks. Like any second book in a series, there are a lot of turning points and "this ain't what you thought it was" moments. Opal is in a bad place, damaging her magic to the point it won't work. She has literally disconnected herself from her soul, and if she isn't careful, she could destroy it altogether. When her plan to work around the bad luck curse just doesn't seem to be working, she finds what she thinks are some loopholes ... and things get really strange.

Think you've got a bad relationship with your father? Try a father who is a literal dragon, who can become a human at will, who insists everything he does is to protect you, but you know better. Toss in a really bad sibling rivalry problem that goes back a millennia with a snotty coward younger sister dragon named White Snake ... just when you think it can't get worse, it gets worse.

I'm about halfway through the third book, which just keeps getting better and better. I'm at the point of chewing my nails down to the first knuckle from the tension! 

Coming release: RETURN OF THE LIVING PROOF

 Return of the Living Proof

 COMING: SEPTEMBER 1

from Ye Olde Dragon Books

What do a pregnant, shape-changing, interdimensional visitor, a questionable summer job at an even more questionable new business, a college life sciences project, and returning nemeses have to do with finally finding out what happened to Charlie and Rainbow Zephyr?

 

That's what Lanie and her growing team of allies are trying to figure out.

Cerb is back, with Loralee, the "girl" of his dreams -- both of them stuck in dog shape while on Earth -- and looking forward to a "blessed event." Instead of suffering cravings, Loralee digs up Lanie's yard, in her sleep, uncovering jewels and bones and trouble.

 

Then there are strange visions that result from unwise exploration of Black Water Pool and Jinx's pond. Both are off-limits spots in the quarries that have been seriously and strangely affected by past magic. And Senior Prank Night escapades.

 

When magically altered water seems to open a doorway to view the past, Lanie and her brothers take  advantage of a chance to figure out what happened to their parents in Bermuda, going on two years ago. The question is if they're preparing to rescue their parents -- or if they are the cause of the mystery after all.

New release sample: SHRUNK: THE EXILE OF MAURICE

 

"You might find it interesting to visit Holly's dreams," Angela said, before Maurice could even land on the table next to the sofa.

"How?" He tried not to whine.

"Put your mind to it." She raised the book a little higher, hiding her face. She shouldn't have seen him stick his tongue out, but he heard a muffled chuckle as he headed downstairs again.

He detoured to the candy jars and helped himself to a dark chocolate kiss. One benefit of his reduced size: a piece of candy that normally would last less than a minute now could last him for an entire evening. Dark chocolate to the Fae was like medicine and energy rations and ambrosia, all mixed together. He would need it if he was going to be stuck watching Holly read for the next hour.

And if things got bad, he might just beg Angela to get him a six-pack of diet cherry cola the next time she went grocery shopping. While normal Humans got nothing but a caffeine buzz, the chemicals and artificial sweeteners combined to affect the Fae in ways that alcohol never could. And no hangover.

Maurice muffled a chuckle at the thought of how sloshed he could get on half a can, in his current size. Normally it would take him two cans to get a happy tingle. He settled down on his couch again with the foil peeled back from the chocolate kiss.

Holly had finished her hot chocolate and was rubbing her eyes, visibly fighting to stay awake. Did she get that tired just from helping kids find books and shushing people? Maybe being a librarian was a rougher job than he thought.

"That's it," he said. "Close those sleepy weepy wittle eyes, before I die of boredom."

At the Movies: JUNGLE CRUISE

 

At first glance, JUNGLE CRUISE is yet another Disney park ride turned into a movie.

But take another look.

Come on, it's got Dwayne Johnson, which is a guarantee of crazy stunts, some silly humor, safe-for-the-family (most of the time), and some giggle or "awe" moments, usually involving a kid or a critter. In this case, it's a jaguar with mostly impeccable timing.

The gang in charge of designing and executing the special effects for PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN have got to be involved, because the special effects are just as night-of-the-living-dead grossly great. What is with walking skeletons and bugs and snakes and just general "ick"? Yeah, it works, but ... ewwww!

There are these Conquistadors who hack off the wrong natives in the Amazon jungles. They get cursed. There's a tree with blossoms that are supposed to cure everything that ails you. Including curses, supposedly. The 400-plus-year-old Conquistadors get involved with this jerk German prince who wants the tree to give Germany an advantage in WWI (nope, no Nazis this time -- next war!).

And then there's Frank, the con man riverboat captain with cheesy special effects that don't fool the passengers on his tour route, really lame jokes, and a boat that should have sunk ... maybe decades ago. The guy is a lot older than he looks. Then comes Lily (Emily Blunt) and her dandy, somewhat helpless brother, seeking the tree. She's a liberated woman, daring to be an explorer and and thumbing her nose at stuffy academics who believe she doesn't have a brain just because she's female. She's got enough brains and guts and mad survival skills for both her and her brother. And she gets a little testy when Frank seems to be playing games with them. Until the walking dead catch up with them, after the jerk prince-you-love-to-hate sets them on our heroes' trail. Lots of surprises and revelations and yeah, some awwwwww moments among the ewwwww moments.

Fast-paced slightly icky fun. Highly recommended!