The Adventure: JPC ALLEN, pt. 2 of "How to Describe Characters in Show Don't Tell"

How to Describe Characters in Show Don’t Tell

CONTINUED FROM THURSDAY

The "handle" is Terence O'Neil looks likes Rae's idea of a professor, which invites the reader to think of their idea of a professor. Then I add some specific traits.

Another candidate for Rae's father is the sheriff, Walter R. Malinowski IV: “He was one of the few people I'd met who made me feel short. Close to six-six, with biceps bulging like pumpkins under a rumpled button-down shirt, he could easily become the next Thor if he grew out his blond crewcut and added a beard.”

The "handle" is that he looks like Thor. Blonde crewcut and his height and bulging biceps are the specific traits. Readers are reminded that Rae is tall--maybe inheriting that feature from the sheriff if he's her father?--and that she likes superhero movies.

The last candidate is Jason Carlisle, a businessman and a member of the wealthiest family in the county. “Besides being fashionable enough for a runway, Jason had dark brown hair, gel sculpting every strand in place, and soft brown eyes that held a warmth I wanted to wrap myself in. If he was a few inches taller and more muscular, he'd make a perfect Superman.”

The "handle" is Superman. Specific traits are hair color, eye color, and being fashionable. Rae has brown eyes, so she notices that trait. Her description also shows that she likes the man.

Throughout the story, I dribble in reminders of the characters’ appearance. When Terence O'Neil is nervous, he rubs his beard. When the sheriff appears suddenly at an abandoned house, "his massive frame" fills the doorway.

In a future post, I’ll tell you about the sequel I’m writing about Rae and the relatives, friends, and enemies she discovers in Marlin County, Ohio. If you’d like to meet Rae and solve the mystery of her mother’s attack and her father’s identity, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, my blog, or Goodreads, then comment here. I’ll enter you in a drawing for a hard copy of Christmas fiction off the beaten path and announce the winner on May 29. If you win, you’ll get five more off-beat Christmas stories, including “Crystal Christmas” by Michelle!

*****

JPC Allen started her writing career in second grade with an homage to Scooby Doo. She’s been tracking down mysteries ever since. A former children’s librarian, she is a member of ACFW and has written mystery short stories for Mt. Zion Ridge Press. Online, she offers writing tips and prompts to beginning writers. She also leads writing workshops for tweens, teens, and adults, encouraging them to discover the adventure of writing. A lifelong Buckeye, she has deep roots in the Mountain State. Join the adventure on her Facebook, Instagram, or Goodreads.

The Adventure: JPC ALLEN, "How to Describe Characters in Show Don't Tell"

How to Describe Characters in Show Don’t Tell

One of my favorite novels is The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton. And one of the reasons I like it so well is that the main character Ponyboy describes his older brothers and the members of his gang in great detail. In fact, a good chunk of chapter one is devoted to their descriptions. I've always liked getting vivid pictures of the characters in the first few pages. It makes the story come alive to me. But The Outsiders was written over fifty years ago. Today, those kinds of lengthy descriptions would be considered poor writing.

When I wrote my YA mystery short story “A Rose from the Ashes” for the anthology Christmas fiction off the beaten path, I was faced with the problem of how to describe characters in "show don't tell" without slowing down the story. I also had to describe them from the deep point of view of my main character (MC), nineteen-year-old Rae Riley. Those descriptions would not only tell readers how characters looked but something about how my MC saw them.

I hit on a combination of mentioning a few key traits and then a "handle", a description to sum up that character. I learned this technique from Michelle. As the story progressed, I'd dribble in reminder descriptions to help readers "see" the characters.

In "A Rose from the Ashes" from the anthology Christmas fiction off the beaten path, Rae is trying to uncover the identity of her father and if he was the attacker who tried to murder her pregnant mother twenty years before. Her late mother said only three men could be Rae’s father. I had to make those three male characters distinct individuals. Perhaps more than other MC's, Rae notices the physical traits of the men because she's looking for connections to her own characteristics.

I introduced one that is a professor this way: “Terence O'Neil was my idea of a professor. Over sixty, balding with a closely cut black and white beard covering cheeks that shook when he talked. He even smoked a pipe.”

The "handle" is Terence O'Neil looks likes Rae's idea of a professor, which invites the reader to think of their idea of a professor. Then I add some specific traits.

CONTINUED ON FRIDAY

*****

JPC Allen started her writing career in second grade with an homage to Scooby Doo. She’s been tracking down mysteries ever since. A former children’s librarian, she is a member of ACFW and has written mystery short stories for Mt. Zion Ridge Press. Online, she offers writing tips and prompts to beginning writers. She also leads writing workshops for tweens, teens, and adults, encouraging them to discover the adventure of writing. A lifelong Buckeye, she has deep roots in the Mountain State. Join the adventure on her Facebook, Instagram, or Goodreads.

New Release Sample: CONFESSIONS OF A LOST KID

I had decided I needed to practice my kinda-sorta flying, to show Angela what I could do next time we met up. I already had it in my head that just going up and down, or gliding, wasn’t good enough. Maybe she could help me figure out how to fly like Superman. I found a sheltered spot at the far end of the field where the older kids played baseball and soccer, in the thick clump of trees enclosed by the fence encircling the orphanage grounds. I rose as high as I could get before I got scared and then hung there until the ground started to look a little fuzzy before I came back down. At five years old, twenty feet off the ground was the equivalent of Mount Everest. I had just worked up the nerve to try some sideways shifting when Kurt walked into the little clearing where I was practicing, and looked up at me. Fortunately, I was wearing shorts, rather than a skirt. Skirts were for church and school.

"You hum really loud." He was grinning at me.

"No I'm not." I was indignant, because I knew enough to keep quiet so the kids who might make fun of me wouldn't see me.

"Yeah, you do, but it's not the kind of humming that people can hear."

"That's stupid. How can you hear it if people can't hear it?" I came down a little faster than I intended and my knees wobbled when I hit. Kurt steadied me, and a funny buzzing sensation kind of shocked me where his hand touched my bare arm.

"Like that." He grinned wider, gray eyes sparkling, and rubbed his hand on the front of his t-shirt. "It's okay, I hum too."

"Are you laughing at me?" I had already run into the two chief bullies, Ricky and Donny. They had overheard Miss Abby talking with another houseparent about my reading ability, and came running to inflict their new nickname on me: Lanie Brainy.

"Nope. We're superheroes."

"Huh?"

That was my introduction to the amazing world of comic books and superheroes and mutants and superpowers and saving the world.

Off the Bookshelf: SECRET REMAINS, by Jennifer Graeser Dornbush

The Coroner's Daughter series

Emily and Nick are back, working another death investigation that turns very personal.

A skeleton is discovered at a construction site on the day of the funeral for Emily's father, with an oncoming storm threatening the condition of the site and remains. Nick is sure who the victim is even before Emily can call in a bone expert to help with the identification: Sandi, a victimized girl who vanished when they were all in high school. And Nick was one of the last ones to see her alive.

The investigation moves forward, despite small town politics and penny-pinching and high school stupidity and secrets getting in the way. Emily repeatedly advises Nick to pull back, put someone else in charge, and most important, get a lawyer, because he could be implicated. Especially when his letterman jacket is found buried near Sandi's skeleton.

With so many changes and questions, Emily is pressured from multiple directions to decide what to do next with her life, her career, her relationships. She makes some choices that once again put her in danger, and threaten her relationship with Nick, which is still being re-knit after so many years apart.

Whew! Satisfying ending -- of course -- and yet it leaves lots of questions about what Emily and Nick will do next, if they will be together, what kind of future they have, thanks to the choices they make as a result of this latest investigation. I sure hope there's more.

New Release Sample: CONFESSIONS OF A LOST KID

Warning: If Divine's Emporium doesn't like someone, they don't hang around Neighborlee very long. People who resist the "go away, we don't like you" sensation long enough to become conscious of it describe it as itching powder under their skin. If they dig their heels in and stay in town, they usually go kind of crazy. Not a fun, genial, wacky old favorite aunt kind of crazy, either. The nasty, megalomaniac, "the world owes me" mindset that deliberately picks fights over stupid, worthless matters. If there was a Wikipedia listing for Neighborlee, and a definition of the Neighborlee defensive effect, here there would be a note saying, “See: Grandstones.”

Divine's welcomed me, though. I stood staring at the Wishing Ball, my hand firmly tucked in Mrs. Silvestri's, just amazed. I wanted to get up there, and I was playing with the idea of using my trick to get up to the counter for a closer look, when Angela walked into the room.

I had discovered my trick quite by accident, just a few months before. I was momentarily unsupervised in the cottage, wanted a cookie, and didn't want to wait for someone to open the cupboard and get it for me. So I climbed up onto the table in the kitchen and walked across it to the counter. A logical progression for a nearly-five-year-old, right? The problem was the four-foot gap between the kitchen table and the counter. I didn't stop to think, I just took a running leap, like I had seen someone do on TV the night before.

My jump took me up to the top of the cupboards. I hung in the air for a good ten seconds before drifting down to the shelf where the cookies sat out in plain view.

I could fly. Kinda-sorta fly. Not zipping through the air like a jet or a certain alien superhero. More like controlled gliding, or going straight up, hovering, and coming straight down. When I got older, that talent made it possible to get incredible photos. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Adventure: with author CINDY THOMSON: My Current Scribing Adventure, pt. 2

CONTINUED from Thursday:

And that brings me up to today. I just finished a new novel, one I worked on for nearly two years. When it’s polished and the book proposal is ready, I will seek out a new publisher. I could publish it myself, but I would like the support a big publisher can offer (having experienced that earlier with my traditionally published books). Maybe I’ll get another agent at some point. Or maybe not, who knows?

The publishing life is filled with ups and downs. Once I realized that, it was a little easier to go with the flow. In today’s environment, there are lots of possibilities for writers. While competition is tough, there are still plenty of readers out there. Traditional publishers, small presses, indie publishing, blogs, magazines … so many opportunities await.

One thing I’ve noticed while quarantining and observing social media posts from others is that this time of slowing down has sparked creativity in many people. Baking, painting, gardening, sewing, crafting, writing, making music … I hope you are doing something to get connected to your creative side because everyone has one. Do you agree? Keep on creating!

Bio: Known for the inspirational Celtic theme employed in most of her books, Cindy Thomson is the author of six novels and four non-fiction books, including her newest, Finding Your Irish Roots. A genealogy enthusiast, she writes from her home in Ohio where she lives with her husband Tom near their three grown sons and their families. 


PRIZE DRAWING:

Anyone who comments on either post Thursday and Friday AND comments on any post at http://cindyswriting.com/blog/ will be entered in the drawing to win this nifty bookmark, to be held May 22.

Web site: http://www.cindyswriting.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/cindyswriting

BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/cindy-thomson

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/cindyswriting

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/cindyswriting

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/cindythomson

The Adventure: with author CINDY THOMSON: My Current Scribing Adventure

Hello!

I’m happy you stopped by to hear my wee tale. I call it my current adventure because after almost twenty years of writing for publication (not counting the years I just made up stories just for my own amusement) I have learned that the writing journey is ever changing.

For me, it started with my interest in researching my family roots. I started as a teenager collecting names and dates from the oldest family members at family reunions and by writing letters. I wish now I had asked for more stories along with those names and dates. Stories are the most interesting part. I was fortunate to find someone who had traced one branch of my family back to 1771 when the family came to America from Ireland. I was hooked. Why did they come then? Why did they leave one daughter behind in Ireland? What was America like when they came and why did they keep pulling up roots and relocating across the new country? I couldn’t find all those answers other than what the reasons likely were for anyone living at that time. So … I made it up! That was my first adventure into writing fiction, a story that has never been published but led to other things.

I eventually found an agent and then a publisher for my first book. At the same time I co-authored a baseball novel that was published by a university press, a completely different experience than publishing novels. Then my fiction publisher wanted no more fiction. They did, however, publish a non-fiction book I wrote. After that I busied myself by writing a ton of genealogy articles for magazines. Then obtained a new agent, then a new publisher and two published novels. Yay, right? But then one book by that publisher was canceled. Eventually my new agent left me and I went on to self-publish several new books (including the one that the publisher had canceled, which some readers have said was my best novel thus far!)

If this sounds like I was doing a lot, remember it’s over twenty years!

CONTINUED Friday

PRIZE DRAWING:

Anyone who comments on either post Thursday and Friday AND comments on any post at http://cindyswriting.com/blog/ will be entered in the drawing to win this nifty bookmark, to be held May 22.

Bio: Known for the inspirational Celtic theme employed in most of her books, Cindy Thomson is the author of six novels and four non-fiction books, including her newest, Finding Your Irish Roots. A genealogy enthusiast, she writes from her home in Ohio where she lives with her husband Tom near their three grown sons and their families.   

Web site: http://www.cindyswriting.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/cindyswriting

BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/profile/cindy-thomson

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/cindyswriting

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/cindyswriting

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/cindythomson